I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
