He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
