Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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