i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
fuck your aforementioned shoe
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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