I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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