I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
