Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
