You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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