So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
