you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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