I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
