He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
