Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
