Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
