Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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