i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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