gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
