Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
