It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
time to smoke my breakfast
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
