You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
