I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
