Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
