dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You're like the curious george of whores
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
