Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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