Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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