I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
