when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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