May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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