Taylor Swift is so right about you.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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