I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
