our cab driver is having phone sex.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
