your thong is hanging out like whoa
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize