dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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