dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize