College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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