Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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