I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
