Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
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