I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
