I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
