I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
