Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
