I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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