Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
