I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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