We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He passed out mid-signature
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
