hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
A+ Viking dick
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
