you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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