We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
