i permit you to call me
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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