she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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