I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
