You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
