Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
