Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
