ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
birth control should be required to get into college
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
