The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
