I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
