So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
