My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
