the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
