my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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